Degenerate Nation

The Handjobmobile

In an effort to symbolically castrate its potential customers, the Nissan Corporation proudly unveiled its latest auto abortion:  “The Leaf”, an electric turd valued at $10,000 US dollars. 
 
So let’s get this straight.  For $10,000, I can tool around in a baby blue shitbox that I have to PLUG IN?  A glorified matchbox car that won’t even [...]

 In eager anticipation of the 2009 football season, my 13-year-old Cousin Danny and I conducted Degenerate Nation’s 1st annual Mock Fantasy Football Draft.
We created 12 team names, following the standard fantasy football tradition of being as crude, immature, and blissfully inhumane as possible.  After naming the teams, we wrote them down on slips of paper and drew [...]

Being the Dear Leader is pretty sweet, I must say. I can have anything I want. But what I’m really looking for is intimacy. Specifically the type of intimacy involving my penis, and your vagina.

Where do they get those pickles from? So thin. So delicious. So unique. They must fly them in from Indonesia. They are hand-sliced by pre-pubsecent Indonesian boys, with tiny fingers….. GLOBALIZATION, BITCHES!!!

Forget hookers, or Craigs List’s “Casual Encounters” page. Real ballers get themselves kicked out of their house, then fly down to Argentina to bang it out on Father’s Day weekend, with their caliente Argentinian mistress. BALLIN’!

I can’t land a date with a girl I’d remotely justify spending money on, and there’s some guy out there convincing women to beat off with power tools? Say it with me know. P-L-A-Y-A!!!

Seriously, in what universe do we live in, where a woman can go all Hannibal Lecter on a man, just because he didn’t knock her up? It’s called the “Miracle of Life” for a reason, lady. Know why?

Because some people don’t deserve miracles. You’re one of them. Deal with it.

On March 10th, 1941, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.

Attention Auburn fans: it doesn’t count as a shaft if you don’t schedule anybody tough in nonconference, and play in an unbelievably down SEC. Tough shit, Tigers. You want in? Get to the championship game of the SEC Tournament, or pick up Charles Barkley, fresh out of the drunk tank, and see if you can bribe the NCAA into giving him another month of eligibility.

Degenerate Nation strongly encourages you to RUB ZEOLI’s sizable, prognosticative crystal BALLS together for an up-to-date preview of how your NCAA Tournament bracket might look if the season ended today.
But first, you might be be asking:   “Why are you doing this, Zeoli?”
Why?    It’s simple:
1.  I am obsessed with March Madness.
2.  Joe Lunardi (ESPN’s “Bracketologist”) is an inaccurate TOOL.
3.   [...]