You Fart… You Die!!!
Everybody poops. This is cold, scientific fact. It’s in the Constitution. But not everyone farts. Not exactly.
We don’t all unleash cacophonous, symphonic flatulence in our pants. We don’t all release silent, sinister Chernobyl farts, contaminating our immediate surroundings with noxious, toxi [...]
Monthly archives for June, 2012
Degenerate of the Week: Daniel Colli...
You Fart… You Die!!!
Everybody poops. This is cold, scientific fact. It’s in the Constitution. But not everyone farts. Not exactly.
We don’t all unleash cacophonous, symphonic flatulence in our pants. We don’t all release silent, sinister Chernobyl farts, contaminating our immediate surroundings with noxious, toxi [...]
DEL TACO-POCALYPSE!!!
The savages are out-breeding the sane, the civil. The base, berserk animal within us all, gnashing its ugly teeth, devouring our entrails, gnawing its way to the surface. We are stabbing each other over botched taco orders, y’all. Cutting the flesh, driving a serrated stake through the heart of conventional discourse.
Gabriel Villalb [...]
Eternal Flesh: Madonna’s Nippl...
“Middle East, make some noiiiiiiiiiiise!”
Madonna essentially invented sex for white people. So who are we to judge her if she wants to flash her 53-year-old tits to the world? Who are we to impede this grandiose pop artifact from exposing her rosy pink immortal nipple to 50,000 shrieking Turks? When did Madonna’s primord [...]
Degenerate of the Week: Charles Mars...
“Whatchu mean I can’t fuck no bear?”
Recidivism has found its official mascot, and it’s not a guy in a suffocating plush costume. Because Charles Marshall would try to fuck it. In a public square, somewhere in the godless realm known as Ohio, where 87.2% of the world’s stuffed animal-fornicators dwell.
Charles [...]
Degenerate of the Week: Jonathan Tho...
Rome had the Sistine Chapel. Texas has this guy.
Jonathan Thompson is a man of conviction. Burglary conviction. Soon-to-be Assault conviction. But most of all, artistic conviction. Most uneducated, scumbag perps would limit their outrage at their arresting officers to a contentious tweet, Facebook post, or slurred, profane rant after down [...]
Product Plug #1: The Fountain of Anal...
Coming to an Asshole Near You
Behold, the fountain of anal youth! Such a simple concept, a spigot connected to the mouth of a water bottle and pointed at your pooper, gravity cleaning you in a way Newton never expected. And yet somehow it took us hundreds of filthy, itchy years to invent this holy grail of sphincter, taint, and ball hygiene [...]
Bienvenido a Degenerate Nation
http://miami.cbslocal.com/2012/05/28/causeway-cannibal-identified-fears-grow-over-drug-possibly-involved/
“Party in the city where the heat is on,
Chewing faces all night till the break of dawn
Welcome to Miami! Bienvenido a… “
What the fuck. There are zombies among us. There are naked men pouncing on other naked men unde [...]
Degenerate of the Week: John Bednari...
Breast Milk Happy Hour, Get Crunk!!!
I have a confession, y’all. I tend to like breasts better in their distant, perfectly-framed, illusory stage, before their grand reveal to me as something human, and therefore flawed. I have seen enough asymmetrical titties and funky, incongruous nipple patterns in my day to overlook the critical c [...]