High on Candy, Down on Love: Johnny ...
Swallowed, Snorted, or Inserted, these taste like shit
I’m sitting here alone on Valentines Day while my so-called friends go on dates. Some with their putrid excuses for girlfriends. Not even thirty and already sagging from the bones like wet clothes on rusty hangers. The others, out with the promiscuous goblins found in the dark, des [...]
Johnny Sweatpants’ first journe...
Our designated “food” critic Johnny Sweatpants submitted his first fast food nightmare for your guilty pleasure:
I am about to embark on a delectable dining experience of Viking proportions. In front of me, standing proud, is a week-old bucket of KFC fried chicken, extra crispy. Accompanying it on either side are twin bowls of KFC [...]
Letter of Recommendation…
I was told that I should write my own letter of recommendation and my former boss would simply put his signature on it. I may have taken a few liberties with the truth:
To whom it may concern:
Mr. [redacted] was the single greatest employee I’ve ever had, or will ever have. So much so that, contrary to expectation, I was pleased to ca [...]
Degenerate New Year’s Resolutio...
New Years Resolutions are bullshit. Nobody actually wants to change. We merely want other people to change the way they treat us, and more importantly, to increase the rate at which they give us free shit, particularly sexual intercourse. If you actively want to exact positive change in your life for altruistic reasons, stop reading this. [...]
Degenerate of the Week [Jan 4, 2013]:...
![Degenerate of the Week [Jan 4, 2013]: Girl Who Drugged Her Parents To Use the Internet](http://www.degeneratenation.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/will-smith-haircut-fresh-prince-of-bel-air-234x300.jpg)
Hey, White Girl. Don’t be a Carlton. Drug your parents!
Man, parents just don’t understand.
And that’s why, sometimes, you know, you just have to drug them so you can use the internet. B’YAH!!!
Two teenage girls in Placer County, California, subverted the very concept of teenage rebellion by allegedly drugging one of [...]
Degenerate of the Week (Dec. 14, 2012...
Any hole will do.
Benjamin Greene, 22, suffers from a common hetero male affliction. He wants to bang Miley Cyrus, and achieve true cocksman immortality. But unlike the floundering majority of his peers, Benjamin Greene actually lived his wet dream. Well, almost.
Benjamin allegedly tried to smuggle a “Finally Mylie” inflatable [...]
Degenerate of the Week [Nov. 9, 2012]...
Why Costco Requires Memberships
Who’s the best whore in town? Jeremy Fucking Owens, that’s who. And don’t you god damn forget it.
Transsexual maniac Jeremy Owens, 23, cemented his unchallenged whoredom in a titillating display before his Lackawanna County, Pennsylvania peers when he allegedly popped his breast impla [...]
Degenerate of the Week (Oct. 2 –...
FUCK SCHOOL!!!
“I AIN’T COME TO PLAY SCHOOL!” – Cardale Jones – scrub quarterback, THE Ohio State University. – [@Cordale10 ]
Cardale Jones is more than an athlete, more than an exquisite, pampered meathead. He is more than a dazzling physical specimen with NFL dreams… and an Arby’s night sh [...]
Death of a Nation
You better Redneckognize how fucked our country is!
Media-produced zombies are devouring the feeble, flickering brains of our people. And with every putrid pile of head meat they gobble up, our nascent societal overlords suck all remaining hope and promise from the collective minds of the young and impressionable.
The Machine is perpetually c [...]