“I Get Around”: Tupac vs. The Beach Boys

Posted by on Aug 17, 2015 in Critique | No Comments

Arguably the most influential artists in pop and hip-hop, respectively, Brian Wilson and Tupac Shakur each composed smash singles with an identical name, “I Get Around”, and a unifying theme:  Get Ass, Keep Movin’. The Brian Wilson-led Beach Boys and the typically-uncredited “Wrecking Crew” gang of studio musicians defined the distinctive sound of 60s California […]

Sole Authority

Posted by on Apr 25, 2015 in Putin Poems | No Comments

“Sole Authority” By Vladimir Putin I am sole authority on historical record Dinosaurs exist only if I declare it so All wars, flawless victories All rivers flow to Moscow All women, flushed with bombastic fervor of my expunged lust Orgasm always achieve Drainage of totalitarian seed into unworthy orifice of proles never result in conception […]

Wife

Posted by on Apr 23, 2015 in Putin Poems | No Comments

“Wife” by Vladimir Putin   Wife is carcinogenic distortion of idealism with nary a moment of release from disappointment Wife is tapeworm feasting on my insides Wife is earwax preventing me from hear Feeble, succulent cries of hapless masses I subjugate I detest Wife’s: scent financial imprudence inability to make borsch barren capacity for exhibit emotion facial […]

Cities of Ash

Posted by on Apr 21, 2015 in Putin Poems, Uncategorized | No Comments

Cities of Ash By Vladimir Putin   Soon I will view the fall of free nations former Soviet states, pulverized into gleeful submission as I cruise through cities of ash in my exquisite motorcade Thumbs up, out window Your Master approve    

Emotional Discharge

Posted by on Apr 21, 2015 in Putin Poems | No Comments

 Emotional Discharge By Vladimir Putin I shed no tears for fears of weaker men All men weaker than me I drink your emotional discharge from pimp cup the salt of your wounds and eat your pain with its strange aftertaste of chicken boullion    

Guns. Bears. Mystery Lovers

Posted by on Apr 19, 2015 in Putin Poems | No Comments

“Guns.  Bears.  Mystery Lovers” By Vladimir Putin   Guns Bears Mystery Lovers These I own Everything is possession Gun, BANG.  Murder complete. Bear, I wrestle.  Conquer. Bear acquiesce to me. Bear, now my violent puppet Strange women, bewitched by my power Temporary lovers to subjugate Beneath the shroud of my macho greed Everything is possession, […]

Gun Control

Posted by on Apr 18, 2015 in Putin Poems | No Comments

“Gun Control” By Vladimir Putin The proletariat can not be trusted to possess weapons Guns are designed for great men to holster adjacent to massive genitals and use on those who do not pledge subservience to the State as a violent and necessary tool to enforce the capitulation of such feral-minded fools who do not coalesce […]

Lose Of Virginity

Posted by on Apr 18, 2015 in Putin Poems, Uncategorized | No Comments

“Lose of Virginity”  by Vladimir Putin   She was my babysitter. I develop early My puberty like swift vengeance She admired the way I played with my toys How I became their master Build many tower of blocks, just to make crumble before me The seeds of my dominance of Nation and Woman She cultivated […]

She Loves Me Not: Divorced Dan’s Valentine’s Day Diary

Hi. I’m Dan . I’m divorced. This is how I spent my Valentine’s Day. Pray for me… I arise at 1:37 PM, and eat a vigorous breakfast of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, with Sailor Jerry’s rum, in lieu of milk. I also enjoy Cap’n Crunch Berries with vodka. Sometimes if I let the soggy, vodka-laced “berries” […]

High on Candy, Down on Love: Johnny Sweatpants’ Hallucinatory Valentine’s Day Binge

High on Candy, Down on Love:  Johnny Sweatpants’ Hallucinatory Valentine’s Day Binge

I’m sitting here alone on Valentines Day while my so-called friends go on dates. Some with their putrid excuses for girlfriends. Not even thirty and already sagging from the bones like wet clothes on rusty hangers. The others, out with the promiscuous goblins found in the dark, desperate corners of Plenty of Fish and Zoosk. […]